Thesis: Athens and the Mauryans differed in their political centralization and sponsorship of religion and were similar in having to defend themselves against the Persians.
Topic Sentence: Athens and the Mauryans differed in their type of political control it had over people. Athens, as the most powerful city-state, was able to force other city-states into the Delian League often against their will whereas the Mauryan were organized into one single entity. Athens created a system, where the subject states financed public works for only Athens, such as the Parthenon during the Golden Age. This oppressive treatment planted the seeds of the decline. The Mauryan Empire, far less oppressive, was able to copy the Persian bureaucratic system of administration of royally appointed officials such as judges and clerks throughout the empire to enforce the rule of law. The Mauryans were able to successfully regulate rather than the Athenians, who more often seized private property and wealth to underwrite Athens’ glory rather than creating things that benefited all of the city-states. These different systems of rule were due in large part to the geographic nature of each region. A single political unit would be near impossible to establish for islands in Aegean and Mediterranean.
Score: 4.5-5 - Pretty good
This sample’s thesis clearly stated the differences and similarities between the two empires of Athens And Mauryans. The topic sentence applied specifically to “type[s] of political control” but was broad enough to use many examples. They compared the systems and how effective they were when inputting the time of decline of the two empires. The reason why I didn’t give them a 5 (perfect score) was because they didn’t really get into how the political structure affected the nations that were conquered by the two empires, like how the Mauryans would regulate their empire by placing their officials and dispersing the amount of power centralized in one...
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